At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need to calm my uterus...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
