Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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