***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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