I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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