So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
