Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
