omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
