Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
