Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
