sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize