I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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