Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
