Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he just fucked me for my cheese.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
