You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
