omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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