Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
