I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
from now on my penis is your penis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize