Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
