Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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