It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
