i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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