i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
