Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
