Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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