Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
