the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
