why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
