Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
