I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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