i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
