susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
