8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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