im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
