Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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