I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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