Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
