yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
