Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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