you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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