i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
