I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
