so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?