I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"