apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
