the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.