Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...