Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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