Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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