i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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