We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
