I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
