Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
