i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
