This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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