Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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