I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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