The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
