i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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