I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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