happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
