did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
