i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
