When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
