Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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